Match Job to Person subtitles

- I really, like, no joke think I crushed it.I'm a gay man, I can read people.- [Producer] Who did Curtis get correct?- Oh my God,I'm nervous, can I look?- [Producer] Mm-hmm.(guests laugh)- No.(mystery music)- [Producer] What do you do for a living?- I bartend right now.- [Producer] You like your boss?- I have a boss (laughs)(producer laughs)- [Producer] Today you are going to be matchingjob to person.- Okay.I feel like I'm gonna be really bad at this.Simulated Patient, I have no idea what that is.Longshoreman, am I even saying that right?Should I know what that is?(gasps)Oh my God, eww, what is that?Or like an exterminator, that is nasty as hell.Hair Salon, I feel like could be guy or girl,but I feel like you can tell.A Dean of Students is gonna be a womanwith a stick up her ass.I just killed it, huh?I'm right.Funeral director, that's so depressing.You're like "Okay, c'mon everyone,"we're about to begin."Like, that's so awkward.So this guy comes into my bar all the time.I know you, I have no idea what you do.Hello. - Hi.- What's your name? - Abby.- Abby, nice to meet you. - You too.- So a couple of these, I don't know what they are.Can I ask questions?- [Producer] Yeah.- Would you say you're, like, a fun person?Do you have a lot of free time,like do fun things?- Yeah, yeah.- That sounds like a no, like maybe a teacher,like they think they're having funbut it is not that fun.- I mean, I really like to read (laughs).- Eww.That is a teacher.That is so not fun.- That's my idea of fun.- This is for you, babe.- Thank you.- Hello. - Hello.- What was your name? - Corky.- Corky? - Yeah.- I like the matching, by the way, the green,you put some thought into that.- Actually there was no thought.(person laughs)I don't know if it's a longshoremanor a longs whore man,butI feel like maybe I'm getting that vibe from youthat you do this, like, weird job.Do you know what they do?- They do with boats, containers.- Yeah, that looks like you for sure.- Thank you.- You're welcome.You look very put together, professional.Do you like kids?- I have a kid.I like him. - You like him.Do you like other kids?- Some of his friends I like.- Are you pretty strict with himon what he can and can't do?- We manage expectations.- That's a dean.(woman laughs)That's a dean for sure.I'm three for three right now.- Thank you.- Hello. - Hello.- How are you?- Good how are you doing?- Good. - Oh, nice handshake.Is this your everyday attire?- Typical.- What were you like growing up?- I was smart, I justdidn't apply myself. - Didn't apply yourself.Girl, same.I think he's an exterminator.- Why, what about me exterminates?- You look a little grungyand when I think of exterminatorI think of, like, bugs and dirty.- Do I stink?- No, you don't stink.Like, right now if I saw a bug,I'd be like, "Uh-uh, bitch get it."And I feel like you would-- I hate bugs.I kill them unapologeticallybut I don't like to.- He kills them unapologetically, exterminator.All right, you're cute, she's cute.I like you, you look put together.I think that I'm looking at hair salon receptionist.I think that you seem bubbly right now.You look like you know how to talk to people.Hair looks healthy, you know what I mean?(woman laughs)I do, I do think you're a hair salon receptionist.- Okay.- Hi. - Hi.- I think you work at a bar.- I do work at a bar and you come in there.Okay, I'm gonna go with scientist right off the bat.I see you all the time,and I know there's a lot of labs around my restaurant.And I feel like you think science might be cool.I'm gonna go ahead and say you're a scientist.- What kind of science do you think I do?- Study, like, things to help people.(guests laugh)Eww, I don't know, don't make me sound uneducated.Two, I have two left.I have a simulated patient and a funeral director.You look a little sad (laughs).You're really calm,and I feel like that would be a good way todirect a funeral.Oh my God, eww, I didn't mean to call,like, you don't look sad.Like, the emotion, eww.(guests laugh)You're gorgeous.- So.- Well, you, like, broke your foot or something.- I dropped a piano on it.- You dropped a piano?- Well, my brother dropped a piano on it.- Sounds like great guy.Do you know what a simulated patient is?- It's like a patient who's not real.- Like the people who put makeup on dead people.- No, that's a mortician.- Oh, ooh.- I go to the doctor with an ailmentto get, like, drugs.But I don't really have the ailment.- Oh my God, you, you're faking abroken footto go get drugs. - For the Vicodin.(Curtis gasps)- Bitch, I just crushed it.(everybody laughs)Oh my God, that's not even broken.Your brother did not dropa piano on you. - He didn't.(everybody laughs)(Curtis gasps)- Oh my God did I get eight outta eight?(everybody laughs)You guys.She wants some drugs,but she doesn't actually wanna get hurt,so she fakes these stories.- [Producer] Okay, all right.Thank you. - I do not feel badfor your foot.(everybody laughs)I really, like, no joke, think I crushed it.I'm a gay man, I can read people.- [Producer] Who did Curtis get correct?- Oh my God, I'm nervous, can I look?- [Producer] Mm-hmm.(everybody laughs)- No, are we serious?Oh my God.- [Producer] Will everybodyswitch up?- I didn't mean that about your foot.(everybody laughs)(Curtis screeches)Wait, so you fake injuries to go get drugs?- [Producer] Wait, you're gonna-(everybody laughs)- I do pretend to be sick,but it's to help medical studentswith their bedside manner.- Oh.- So it's not to get drugs.- Oh, you're like a teacher.- Yeah, kind of.- So wait, I'm, like,explain, like, a day to day.- You pretend to be the medical student, okay?You're gonna come inand I'm gonna tell you what's wrong with me,and you have to diagnose me.- Gotchu. - Ready?- You have to pee.- Yeah, but I've, like-- You got a UTI.- Yup, ding ding ding.- Ding ding ding. - You should be a doctor.- I should, hey.How did you get into longs whore man?I mean, I just totally don't understand what this is.Boats and jugs or something?- Yeah, yeah, container ship comes in,we'll take 'em off with a crane,put 'em somewhere in the yard,take other ones, put it back on.It's very boring.- How much do you make, can I ask?(Corky exhales)Ooh, he makes money.Like, could you be a sugar daddy?- I could.- We like that.Funeral director, okay, woof.Can you explain to me, like,a day in the life of your job,'cause it sounds awful.Do you deal with dead bodies?- When I first started out,I was handling dead bodies a lot more often.The last several years, not so much,but I have handled hundreds of dead bodies.- Hundreds.- Most often now I'm just in the officemaking arrangements.Families coming to meet with usto talk about what kind of arrangementsthey wanna have.- Eww, oh my God.Hey.So not an exterminator.- No.- But you're a hair salon receptionist.- Mm-hmm.I had a friend that worked there that justwas like, "Do you wanna do something different?"And I was like, "Is the money good?"And it actuallyit's not bad.- Okay.So you're really cute for not a cute job.(woman laughs)- You should see my coveralls.- Eww.You kill bugs or rats or what?- Both.(Curtis groans)- I don't get it.- Most of our kills are fresh kills,so it's not that gross.You just dog poop bag style.- Yeah, no, that's gross.- When it's really grossis when they've been sitting for a bitand they're maggoty and smellyand you gotta fish it out from behind.- No, no, nice to meet you.(everybody laughs)- Congratulations,you guessed right. - I did.So tell me what kind of science.- Gene therapy is what it's called.The viruses deliver the genes that are neededto cure people.- Gotchu.That sounds difficult.- Hi. - Hey.You look like you love kidsand really happy, not sad.- (laughs) That's a big 180.- Yeah. (everybody laughs)- How old do you teach?- High school,freshman and sophomores mostly.- Okay.Do you like them?- Yeah, they're cool.- You, like, do not.- No, it's endlessly entertainment,I actually do,I actually really do like working with them.- Do your students like you?- I think,well actually I know for a factsome of 'em think I talk too much.- You're literally a teacher,isn't that, like, the job?- First of all, fuck you.(everybody laughs)- So wait, like, is the foot real?Like, but like a piano?- No, I fell. - Oh, okay.All right, dean of students.That, to me, screams, like,(whispers) bitch.- I don't think any of my studentswould describe me a as a bitch.I would describe myself as a bitch,but I don't think any of my students would.- Do you enforce a dress code?- No.- Nothing? - No.- No dress code at your school?- I mean, you can't wearlike lingerie.- Do you wear the grill?- Yeah.- I love that.- I don't think I would ever work at a jobwhere my appearance is a problem,and I think that's part of the reason why Ienjoy being a reflection of my studentsand being like, "You can do this, too,"no matter what you look like or have gone through."I was a shitty student (laughs).I was a total nightmare.- Do you enjoy your job?- I fucking love it, can I say?Yeah, I love it.- So I did really bad.I thought that was so easy, I thought I crushed it.I really thought I got all of you.- [Producer] What job would you most like to apprentice for?- Probably a dean of students.- [Producer] Dean of students?- Yeah.Do you not think I would be good?- No, I don't (laughing).Okay, you'd end up behind the bleachersgetting high with the kids, I feel like.- Oh my God, I would never.That is trash.- And true. - True.

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<text sub="clublinks" start="0.125" dur="2.785">- I really, like, no joke think I crushed it.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="2.91" dur="1.87">I'm a gay man, I can read people.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="4.78" dur="2.37">- [Producer] Who did Curtis get correct?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="7.15" dur="1.37">- Oh my God,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="8.52" dur="1.6">I'm nervous, can I look?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="10.12" dur="2.254">- [Producer] Mm-hmm.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="12.374" dur="0.833">(guests laugh)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="13.207" dur="1.631">- No.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="14.838" dur="1.818">(mystery music)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="16.656" dur="1.407">- [Producer] What do you do for a living?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="18.063" dur="1.337">- I bartend right now.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="19.4" dur="1.383">- [Producer] You like your boss?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="22.16" dur="2.343">- I have a boss (laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="24.503" dur="0.997">(producer laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="25.5" dur="1.95">- [Producer] Today you are going to be matching</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="27.45" dur="2">job to person.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="29.45" dur="0.91">- Okay.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="30.36" dur="1.45">I feel like I'm gonna be really bad at this.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="31.81" dur="3.28">Simulated Patient, I have no idea what that is.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="35.09" dur="2.15">Longshoreman, am I even saying that right?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="37.24" dur="1.628">Should I know what that is?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="38.868" dur="0.833">(gasps)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="39.701" dur="1.589">Oh my God, eww, what is that?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="41.29" dur="2.693">Or like an exterminator, that is nasty as hell.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="45.21" dur="2.07">Hair Salon, I feel like could be guy or girl,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="47.28" dur="1.32">but I feel like you can tell.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="48.6" dur="2.46">A Dean of Students is gonna be a woman</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="51.06" dur="1.44">with a stick up her ass.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="52.5" dur="1.1">I just killed it, huh?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="53.6" dur="1.17">I'm right.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="54.77" dur="3.49">Funeral director, that's so depressing.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="58.26" dur="1.617">You're like "Okay, c'mon everyone,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="59.877" dur="1.473">"we're about to begin."</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="61.35" dur="1.523">Like, that's so awkward.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="68.49" dur="3.64">So this guy comes into my bar all the time.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="72.13" dur="3.327">I know you, I have no idea what you do.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="75.457" dur="0.93">Hello. - Hi.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="76.387" dur="1.543">- What's your name? - Abby.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="77.93" dur="1.25">- Abby, nice to meet you. - You too.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="79.18" dur="2.32">- So a couple of these, I don't know what they are.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="81.5" dur="1.43">Can I ask questions?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="82.93" dur="0.833">- [Producer] Yeah.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="83.763" dur="2.527">- Would you say you're, like, a fun person?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="86.29" dur="1.31">Do you have a lot of free time,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="87.6" dur="0.85">like do fun things?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="88.45" dur="1.38">- Yeah, yeah.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="89.83" dur="2.01">- That sounds like a no, like maybe a teacher,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="91.84" dur="1.16">like they think they're having fun</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="93" dur="1.383">but it is not that fun.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="94.383" dur="2.389">- I mean, I really like to read (laughs).</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="96.772" dur="1.074">- Eww.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="97.846" dur="2.554">That is a teacher.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="100.4" dur="1.772">That is so not fun.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="102.172" dur="1.518">- That's my idea of fun.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="103.69" dur="1.36">- This is for you, babe.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="105.05" dur="1.5">- Thank you.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="106.55" dur="1.15">- Hello. - Hello.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="107.7" dur="1.43">- What was your name? - Corky.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="109.13" dur="0.91">- Corky? - Yeah.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="110.04" dur="1.4">- I like the matching, by the way, the green,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="111.44" dur="1.47">you put some thought into that.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="112.91" dur="2.065">- Actually there was no thought.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="114.975" dur="1.545">(person laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="116.52" dur="1.75">I don't know if it's a longshoreman</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="118.27" dur="1.333">or a longs whore man,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="120.8" dur="1.38">but</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="122.18" dur="1.87">I feel like maybe I'm getting that vibe from you</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="124.05" dur="1.911">that you do this, like, weird job.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="125.961" dur="1.569">Do you know what they do?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="127.53" dur="2.16">- They do with boats, containers.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="129.69" dur="2.203">- Yeah, that looks like you for sure.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="132.75" dur="0.833">- Thank you.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="133.583" dur="0.833">- You're welcome.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="134.416" dur="1.924">You look very put together, professional.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="136.34" dur="1.95">Do you like kids?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="138.29" dur="1.52">- I have a kid.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="139.81" dur="1.84">I like him. - You like him.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="141.65" dur="1.59">Do you like other kids?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="143.24" dur="2.06">- Some of his friends I like.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="145.3" dur="0.86">- Are you pretty strict with him</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="146.16" dur="1.73">on what he can and can't do?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="147.89" dur="1.96">- We manage expectations.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="149.85" dur="0.994">- That's a dean.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="150.844" dur="0.996">(woman laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="151.84" dur="2.1">That's a dean for sure.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="153.94" dur="1.681">I'm three for three right now.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="155.621" dur="0.833">- Thank you.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="156.454" dur="0.833">- Hello. - Hello.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="157.287" dur="0.833">- How are you?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="158.12" dur="0.833">- Good how are you doing?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="158.953" dur="1.067">- Good. - Oh, nice handshake.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="160.02" dur="2.31">Is this your everyday attire?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="162.33" dur="0.833">- Typical.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="163.163" dur="1.827">- What were you like growing up?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="164.99" dur="1.4">- I was smart, I just</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="166.39" dur="1.43">didn't apply myself. - Didn't apply yourself.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="167.82" dur="1.8">Girl, same.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="169.62" dur="1.89">I think he's an exterminator.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="171.51" dur="2.32">- Why, what about me exterminates?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="173.83" dur="1.5">- You look a little grungy</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="175.33" dur="1.61">and when I think of exterminator</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="176.94" dur="2.54">I think of, like, bugs and dirty.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="179.48" dur="0.833">- Do I stink?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="180.313" dur="1.097">- No, you don't stink.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="181.41" dur="1.43">Like, right now if I saw a bug,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="182.84" dur="2.06">I'd be like, "Uh-uh, bitch get it."</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="184.9" dur="1.148">And I feel like you would-</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="186.048" dur="1.082">- I hate bugs.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="187.13" dur="1.46">I kill them unapologetically</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="188.59" dur="1.07">but I don't like to.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="189.66" dur="3.02">- He kills them unapologetically, exterminator.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="192.68" dur="2.36">All right, you're cute, she's cute.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="195.04" dur="1.73">I like you, you look put together.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="196.77" dur="3.3">I think that I'm looking at hair salon receptionist.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="200.07" dur="2.18">I think that you seem bubbly right now.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="202.25" dur="2.05">You look like you know how to talk to people.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="204.3" dur="2.13">Hair looks healthy, you know what I mean?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="206.43" dur="0.833">(woman laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="207.263" dur="1.607">I do, I do think you're a hair salon receptionist.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="208.87" dur="1.25">- Okay.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="210.12" dur="1.12">- Hi. - Hi.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="211.24" dur="1.56">- I think you work at a bar.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="212.8" dur="1.85">- I do work at a bar and you come in there.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="214.65" dur="2.69">Okay, I'm gonna go with scientist right off the bat.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="217.34" dur="1.1">I see you all the time,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="218.44" dur="3.53">and I know there's a lot of labs around my restaurant.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="221.97" dur="2.9">And I feel like you think science might be cool.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="224.87" dur="1.56">I'm gonna go ahead and say you're a scientist.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="226.43" dur="2.13">- What kind of science do you think I do?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="228.56" dur="2.947">- Study, like, things to help people.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="233.279" dur="1.583">(guests laugh)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="234.862" dur="3.378">Eww, I don't know, don't make me sound uneducated.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="238.24" dur="0.88">Two, I have two left.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="239.12" dur="3.683">I have a simulated patient and a funeral director.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="243.95" dur="1.55">You look a little sad (laughs).</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="246.35" dur="1.27">You're really calm,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="247.62" dur="2.78">and I feel like that would be a good way to</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="250.4" dur="1.603">direct a funeral.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="253.25" dur="1.12">Oh my God, eww, I didn't mean to call,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="254.37" dur="1.75">like, you don't look sad.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="256.12" dur="2.367">Like, the emotion, eww.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="258.487" dur="1.217">(guests laugh)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="259.704" dur="2.04">You're gorgeous.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="261.744" dur="1.456">- So.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="263.2" dur="2.277">- Well, you, like, broke your foot or something.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="265.477" dur="2.123">- I dropped a piano on it.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="267.6" dur="1.57">- You dropped a piano?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="269.17" dur="2.08">- Well, my brother dropped a piano on it.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="271.25" dur="1.22">- Sounds like great guy.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="272.47" dur="2.45">Do you know what a simulated patient is?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="274.92" dur="3.3">- It's like a patient who's not real.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="278.22" dur="2.91">- Like the people who put makeup on dead people.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="281.13" dur="1.14">- No, that's a mortician.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="282.27" dur="1.04">- Oh, ooh.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="283.31" dur="2.21">- I go to the doctor with an ailment</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="285.52" dur="1.41">to get, like, drugs.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="286.93" dur="1.65">But I don't really have the ailment.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="288.58" dur="2.14">- Oh my God, you, you're faking a</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="292.06" dur="0.833">broken foot</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="292.893" dur="1.431">to go get drugs. - For the Vicodin.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="294.324" dur="1.063">(Curtis gasps)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="295.387" dur="1.715">- Bitch, I just crushed it.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="297.102" dur="1.368">(everybody laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="298.47" dur="2.09">Oh my God, that's not even broken.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="300.56" dur="0.92">Your brother did not drop</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="301.48" dur="1.741">a piano on you. - He didn't.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="303.221" dur="0.833">(everybody laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="304.054" dur="1.796">(Curtis gasps)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="305.85" dur="2.46">- Oh my God did I get eight outta eight?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="308.31" dur="1.27">(everybody laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="309.58" dur="0.833">You guys.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="311.55" dur="1.05">She wants some drugs,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="312.6" dur="1.44">but she doesn't actually wanna get hurt,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="314.04" dur="2.28">so she fakes these stories.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="316.32" dur="0.93">- [Producer] Okay, all right.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="317.25" dur="0.95">Thank you. - I do not feel bad</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="318.2" dur="0.897">for your foot.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="319.097" dur="2.917">(everybody laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="323.03" dur="3.04">I really, like, no joke, think I crushed it.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="326.07" dur="2.44">I'm a gay man, I can read people.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="328.51" dur="2.38">- [Producer] Who did Curtis get correct?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="330.89" dur="2.616">- Oh my God, I'm nervous, can I look?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="333.506" dur="1.667">- [Producer] Mm-hmm.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="336.325" dur="0.833">(everybody laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="337.158" dur="2.452">- No, are we serious?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="339.61" dur="0.833">Oh my God.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="341.28" dur="1.58">- [Producer] Will everybody</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="342.86" dur="0.833">switch up?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="345.62" dur="1.413">- I didn't mean that about your foot.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="347.033" dur="1.668">(everybody laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="348.701" dur="1.362">(Curtis screeches)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="350.063" dur="2.517">Wait, so you fake injuries to go get drugs?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="352.58" dur="1.672">- [Producer] Wait, you're gonna-</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="354.252" dur="0.918">(everybody laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="355.17" dur="1.75">- I do pretend to be sick,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="356.92" dur="1.48">but it's to help medical students</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="358.4" dur="2.1">with their bedside manner.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="360.5" dur="0.833">- Oh.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="361.333" dur="1.077">- So it's not to get drugs.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="362.41" dur="1.44">- Oh, you're like a teacher.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="363.85" dur="0.95">- Yeah, kind of.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="364.8" dur="0.93">- So wait, I'm, like,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="365.73" dur="1.58">explain, like, a day to day.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="367.31" dur="2.16">- You pretend to be the medical student, okay?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="369.47" dur="0.833">You're gonna come in</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="370.303" dur="1.517">and I'm gonna tell you what's wrong with me,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="371.82" dur="1.5">and you have to diagnose me.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="373.32" dur="0.95">- Gotchu. - Ready?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="375.58" dur="1.04">- You have to pee.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="376.62" dur="1.15">- Yeah, but I've, like-</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="378.64" dur="1.261">- You got a UTI.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="379.901" dur="1.45">- Yup, ding ding ding.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="381.351" dur="1.96">- Ding ding ding. - You should be a doctor.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="383.311" dur="2.169">- I should, hey.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="385.48" dur="1.973">How did you get into longs whore man?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="389.1" dur="2.61">I mean, I just totally don't understand what this is.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="391.71" dur="0.833">Boats and jugs or something?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="392.543" dur="3.077">- Yeah, yeah, container ship comes in,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="395.62" dur="1.38">we'll take 'em off with a crane,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="397" dur="1.17">put 'em somewhere in the yard,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="398.17" dur="1.37">take other ones, put it back on.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="399.54" dur="1.41">It's very boring.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="400.95" dur="1.58">- How much do you make, can I ask?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="402.53" dur="2.15">(Corky exhales)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="404.68" dur="2.07">Ooh, he makes money.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="406.75" dur="2.001">Like, could you be a sugar daddy?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="408.751" dur="0.833">- I could.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="411.209" dur="1.591">- We like that.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="412.8" dur="2.99">Funeral director, okay, woof.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="415.79" dur="2.17">Can you explain to me, like,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="417.96" dur="1.17">a day in the life of your job,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="419.13" dur="1.55">'cause it sounds awful.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="420.68" dur="1.49">Do you deal with dead bodies?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="422.17" dur="0.96">- When I first started out,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="423.13" dur="2.29">I was handling dead bodies a lot more often.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="425.42" dur="1.67">The last several years, not so much,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="427.09" dur="2.53">but I have handled hundreds of dead bodies.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="429.62" dur="0.833">- Hundreds.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="430.453" dur="1.787">- Most often now I'm just in the office</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="432.24" dur="1.75">making arrangements.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="433.99" dur="1.51">Families coming to meet with us</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="435.5" dur="1.62">to talk about what kind of arrangements</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="437.12" dur="0.833">they wanna have.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="437.953" dur="1.174">- Eww, oh my God.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="439.127" dur="0.853">Hey.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="439.98" dur="1.62">So not an exterminator.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="441.6" dur="0.833">- No.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="442.433" dur="1.287">- But you're a hair salon receptionist.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="443.72" dur="1.029">- Mm-hmm.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="444.749" dur="1.321">I had a friend that worked there that just</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="446.07" dur="1.46">was like, "Do you wanna do something different?"</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="447.53" dur="1.577">And I was like, "Is the money good?"</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="449.107" dur="1.223">And it actually</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="450.33" dur="1.21">it's not bad.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="451.54" dur="1.328">- Okay.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="452.868" dur="2.122">So you're really cute for not a cute job.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="454.99" dur="1.21">(woman laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="456.2" dur="1.27">- You should see my coveralls.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="457.47" dur="1.333">- Eww.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="458.803" dur="2.747">You kill bugs or rats or what?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="461.55" dur="0.833">- Both.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="462.383" dur="1.197">(Curtis groans)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="463.58" dur="0.833">- I don't get it.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="464.413" dur="1.737">- Most of our kills are fresh kills,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="466.15" dur="1.45">so it's not that gross.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="467.6" dur="1.92">You just dog poop bag style.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="469.52" dur="1.25">- Yeah, no, that's gross.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="470.77" dur="1.13">- When it's really gross</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="471.9" dur="1.56">is when they've been sitting for a bit</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="473.46" dur="3">and they're maggoty and smelly</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="476.46" dur="2.4">and you gotta fish it out from behind.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="478.86" dur="1.489">- No, no, nice to meet you.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="480.349" dur="1.681">(everybody laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="482.03" dur="1.35">- Congratulations,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="483.38" dur="1.35">you guessed right. - I did.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="484.73" dur="1.73">So tell me what kind of science.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="486.46" dur="2.02">- Gene therapy is what it's called.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="488.48" dur="2.38">The viruses deliver the genes that are needed</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="490.86" dur="1.242">to cure people.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="492.102" dur="0.84">- Gotchu.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="492.942" dur="2.274">That sounds difficult.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="495.216" dur="0.984">- Hi. - Hey.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="496.2" dur="1.2">You look like you love kids</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="497.4" dur="2.468">and really happy, not sad.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="499.868" dur="1.912">- (laughs) That's a big 180.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="501.78" dur="2.29">- Yeah. (everybody laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="504.07" dur="1.35">- How old do you teach?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="505.42" dur="1.23">- High school,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="506.65" dur="1.47">freshman and sophomores mostly.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="508.12" dur="0.833">- Okay.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="508.953" dur="0.957">Do you like them?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="509.91" dur="1.16">- Yeah, they're cool.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="511.07" dur="1.18">- You, like, do not.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="512.25" dur="1.31">- No, it's endlessly entertainment,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="513.56" dur="0.833">I actually do,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="514.393" dur="1.777">I actually really do like working with them.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="516.17" dur="2.031">- Do your students like you?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="518.201" dur="0.833">- I think,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="519.034" dur="1.056">well actually I know for a fact</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="520.09" dur="2">some of 'em think I talk too much.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="522.09" dur="0.833">- You're literally a teacher,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="522.923" dur="2.327">isn't that, like, the job?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="525.25" dur="1.013">- First of all, fuck you.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="526.263" dur="2.307">(everybody laughs)</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="528.57" dur="1.793">- So wait, like, is the foot real?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="531.27" dur="1.66">Like, but like a piano?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="532.93" dur="2.44">- No, I fell. - Oh, okay.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="535.37" dur="1.61">All right, dean of students.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="536.98" dur="2.301">That, to me, screams, like,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="539.281" dur="2.491">(whispers) bitch.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="541.772" dur="1.048">- I don't think any of my students</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="542.82" dur="1.341">would describe me a as a bitch.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="544.161" dur="1.8">I would describe myself as a bitch,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="545.961" dur="1.709">but I don't think any of my students would.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="547.67" dur="2.501">- Do you enforce a dress code?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="550.171" dur="0.833">- No.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="551.004" dur="0.833">- Nothing? - No.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="551.837" dur="1.043">- No dress code at your school?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="552.88" dur="1.526">- I mean, you can't wear</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="554.406" dur="1.494">like lingerie.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="555.9" dur="1.11">- Do you wear the grill?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="557.01" dur="0.833">- Yeah.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="557.843" dur="1.05">- I love that.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="558.893" dur="1.667">- I don't think I would ever work at a job</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="560.56" dur="1.273">where my appearance is a problem,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="561.833" dur="3.597">and I think that's part of the reason why I</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="565.43" dur="2.45">enjoy being a reflection of my students</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="567.88" dur="1.917">and being like, "You can do this, too,</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="569.797" dur="1.743">"no matter what you look like or have gone through."</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="571.54" dur="2.17">I was a shitty student (laughs).</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="573.71" dur="2.23">I was a total nightmare.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="575.94" dur="1.043">- Do you enjoy your job?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="576.983" dur="1.977">- I fucking love it, can I say?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="578.96" dur="0.863">Yeah, I love it.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="581.65" dur="1.323">- So I did really bad.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="584.03" dur="2.82">I thought that was so easy, I thought I crushed it.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="586.85" dur="1.55">I really thought I got all of you.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="588.4" dur="3.214">- [Producer] What job would you most like to apprentice for?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="591.614" dur="1.888">- Probably a dean of students.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="593.502" dur="1.008">- [Producer] Dean of students?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="594.51" dur="0.833">- Yeah.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="595.343" dur="2.217">Do you not think I would be good?</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="597.56" dur="1.89">- No, I don't (laughing).</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="599.45" dur="1.84">Okay, you'd end up behind the bleachers</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="601.29" dur="2.38">getting high with the kids, I feel like.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="603.67" dur="1.463">- Oh my God, I would never.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="606.1" dur="2.08">That is trash.</text>
<text sub="clublinks" start="608.18" dur="1.133">- And true. - True.</text>